Family Ties

When you first get married, finding the balance between starting your new ,independent family and keeping your family ties can be really tough. You have this new spouse and you want to make your own traditions,and rules but it can be hard when you have the influence of your family constantly telling you their advice (most of the time given without being asked).  I know couples that as soon as they get married, they move far away from their families and do not have much contact. They are so focused on making sure they live their own life and separate themselves that they forget the benefits and blessings to having good strong relationships with their family. On the flip side, I also know couples how have very close relationship with their parents, and that could have a negative impact on the couple's relationship. There needs to be a balance. You shouldn't cut off your family completely, but you also should not be dependent on your parents anymore. In the Bible it talks about this very thing.  In Genesis 2:24 it says, "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife;and they shall be one flesh."  We should be cleaving to our spouse! We should be turning to them and looking for them for support. When there are problems in the relationship, cleave to your spouse. 
Couples need to counsel together and if you do gain advice from other people, make sure to bring it up with your spouse and talk about it. In an article written by Harper and Olsen, it talks about this very thing. It says,"President Kimball identified some important points regarding family relationships. First married children should confide in and counsel with their spouses. Second, if possible, they should establish their own household, separate from their parents. Finally, any counsel from outside soured should be considered prayerfully by both spouses together." There is a lot of wisdom that we can gain from our parents and we should always appreciate that. But parents also need to respect their children and let them make the decisions for them and their spouse.




Source:Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families."

Leading by Example

We all want to be the best parent for our children. Even for those that do not have yet children (including myself), we still want that goal and hope to achieve it. There are so much parenting books and sometimes it can be overwhelming, but there is something that I have noticed that seems to be working pretty well. Leading by example.
Children are very observant and they are watching you even when you think they are not. The way we treat our spouse is so important because that is how our children will think is okay to treat someone. If you are treating your spouse with love and respect, your children will see that and have those same values. I think it is so vital that children see their parents respect on another. I have an uncle and aunt whose relationship can definitely benefit from this reading. Growing up, I would hear my uncle call his wife stupid or dumb in front of the children and my aunt would tell him to quit it but it was never taken seriously. Then the children would call their mom stupid or tell her to shut up. It is seriously so sad and very frustrating to watch this play out. It is so important that the spouses shows respect toward each other, especially in front of the children. The kids will see that and will copy that behavior.

I also believe that we need to not be afraid to set boundaries with our children. There is a quote by President Kimball that says,""Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children.... Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him". The last part of this quote is what really stuck out to me about the importance of having limits and when we do not, that shows we do not care about them. I mean if we truly cared about our children, we would set up boundaries and enforce those boundaries even when it gets hard. It's proven that kids NEED structure and as parents we have a duty to give that to them. Children needs parents, not friends.
These are just a few things that I have learned that I thought I would pass on to any parents or future parents.