Do you feel like your marriage is a constant battle, or there are just problems that will NEVER go away no matter how hard you try to fix them. Well, you are not alone. According to Dr. Gottman, about 69% of marriages problems are perpetual. This means that these problems never truly go away. People who are in successful marriages learn how to deal with these problems, while marriages who fail crumble to the pressure of these problems. Something that people in a happy marriage do to help with these perpetual problems is approaching them with a sense of humor. I feel like this is a common answer to many problems in a marriage. But it makes sense! Having a sense of humor helps cut the tension and relieve the stress that can come from a potential stressful conversation. These couples also recognize that these problems may never go away, but they avoid situations that worsen them. I think it is important that we recognize that marriage WILL come with problems. When two unperfect people marry, it is only inevitable. I think it is also important to remember that there are going to be things that our partner does that annoy us from time to time. We need to focus on what is important. Something that I learned that I think is important is to be able to recognize what kind of problem you are dealing with. Knowing the difference between a situational problems and perpetual problems is something that can very beneficial.
A situational problem is problem that IS solvable, but can still be a pain in the butt. A couple needs to have the proper technique to deal with problems (no matter what kind) to really have a successful marriage. Here are five steps that Dr. Gottam suggests doing to help solve problems:
1) Soften your start up
2) Learn to make and receive repair attempts
3) Soothe yourself and each other
4) Compromise
5) Process any grievances so that they do not linger
Practice these steps in any marriage and it will most definitely help strengthen your marriage!
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